the hideous photo that was my wake up call

Have you ever hit rock bottom? Have you been that mom who is burning the candle at both ends? I have. I was… no, I am. {This is the post I referenced earlier, when I said I was going to share the "really great thing". The post has been sitting in draft form for, oh, a few weeks. Anyway, this is it. No, not this photo. But it's the photo that started something positive...}

The photo above was the one photo that I am in from our family trip to my in-laws at Christmas. It rained all week, and we'd taken the kids bowling. It's not my best photo. {Achem, by a long shot.} In fact, when my mother-in-law emailed it to me in a batch of nice ones of the kids, my husband and themselves, my first reaction was, "Are you kidding me? Who sends a totally unflattering picture like that to someone?" And at first I was completely annoyed with her. I mean, really, who does that?

And then, I realized that, while completely unflattering, if I was honest with myself, this photo also summed up the way I was feeling-- and to some extent still feel. Bloated. I'm trying to put on a happy face, but I'm exhausted. I don't feel pretty. No, I definitely don't feel pretty. My clothing is too tight, but I refuse to go buy anything new in a bigger size. So, instead I wear loose tops to cover my muffin top, and big necklaces to hopefully distract you from the butt that's gotten big sitting in front of a computer working from home. I'll eat and drink anything I please, because I'm already so far gone that it doesn't matter. Which, of course, simply perpetuates things.

But this is not the mom and wife I want to be. I miss feeling good. I miss feeling pretty, and energetic, and clear-headed. I know there's a way to dig out… but sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to realize you want to change things. 

I know how to take care of myself. Or at least I think I do. It's been a while… 

I know what I should be eating. Or, at least I know what I shouldn't be eating… but oh those cookies/chips/pick your sugary/floury/processed vice, they call my name. 

Anyway, this isn't a pity post. I let myself go, lost sight of priorities, and got myself in this pickle. And it sucks. And now I'm going to have to get myself out. 

 

These first few weeks, I've been trying to get the wheels back on the bus on my own. It's taken discipline, creativity, research and planning. I've made it delicious, but I'd be lying if I said it was easy. I've kind of ebbed and flowed, which is why I put my name in the hat when I heard Mark Hyman MD was looking for a few bloggers to beta test his new 10-Day Detox {available for pre-order now, due to be released on February 25, 2014}. And he picked me. We start Monday, and I can't decide if I am absolutely thrilled or slightly terrified? What I do know is that I really want to feel happy, energetic and svelte again. And I hope this helps get me there.      

P.S. I debated whether to share this personal story with you at all, since the expectation is that this blog will focus on make-ahead meals {and besides, who wants a hideous photo like that floating around?}. But the notion that I do it all, and do it well, is sometimes smoke and mirrors. I can stock a freezer like nobody's business, but I struggle, just like many of you may have at some point in motherhood, to juggle it all. So, consider this a "coming clean" post, on many levels. 

Take me to Day 1 of the Detox!

Note: I was given an advance copy of The Blood Sugar Solution 10-Day Detox, and given the opportunity to participate in daily calls with Dr. Hyman, and/or an RD from Dr. Hyman's staff, and a life coach from The Handel Group, as part of my chance to review the book. I was not compensated in any other way for participating in the program, and all opinions are my own. The above links will take you to Amazon. When you click, it takes you to their website, and anything you purchase there will help support swellmom and the full plate blog. Thanks in advance for the support.